Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 3:43 pm
People are only as nice as they need to be to benefit from you in some way. I am certain that this is true....there is no desire to just have a friend. Merely a desire to have someone there that fits the job description for the time being....in the future they will be cast aside like all others before them. Is it truly possible to form a lasting friendship with someone?? Is it truly possible to never lose that understanding which hides underneath the smoke in the room?? Is it possible??
Onward and upward......
Fragility suits me. There is a level of care taken when dealing with me lately....and I sincerely appreciate it. Although, this is not a universal approach....some don't seem to care at all. I recently lost it on my mom....I mentioned this is the last entry. I just don't understand why I had to go to such extremes just to get her attention. I mean...seriously this was almost a fit of rage and frustration. I cried and hit things and said things I would not normally say....but in the end I suppose I got her attention. Worth it?? I dunno.......depends on whether or not I wish to always be a weak child.
As it seems....I am protected and safe...and in this environment I am the weak one. My doctor spoke to me about at my last appointment. He said that in my upcoming marriage....I did not want to be the weak one. He said that I need to be stronger so that my marriage can truly be a partnership. I don't agree with him at all. I believe that marriage is a partnership in which there is a give and take. We are meant to rely upon each other for strength during our weak times....and is that not what I am doing?? Before we were dating....he seemed to be the weaker of the two of us...emotionally. He used to come here just to calm down....he said I made it all go away. So then....have I not been strong for him and helped him too?? Am I the only receiver of support??
This entry sucks y'all. TTFN
